Last Words
The journey of life is impossible to properly explain in words. This journal was a failure before it even started. It’s very concept is flawed. But, I do love metaphor.
I was born in an infinite pool of desire. I dreamt of money, cars, electronics, friends and people who loved me. I had all the ability needed to achieve those desires. What I missed was an idea of what to do once I fulfilled them. Where does the next turn take you?
Once you’ve attained it all, what is left? That’s easy, while trying to fill your desires, you picked up some new ones. New desires. Maybe, you realized your old desires weren’t big enough; it rained and your pool became an ocean. So, you keep going. Until the desires subside or you decide that it’s silly to keep chasing, you keep pushing yourself. You drink the ocean. Then, what do you do? You wait for life to end. You desire to outlive your siblings.
Desire is an interesting paradox. Everybody has desire or hope. Otherwise, you would be a monk or depressed. If you have hope or meaning, life seems so simple. You have reason to keep going. But, a monk has renounced any worldly desire. So, what keeps them going? In some communities, monks are revered and reach out to aid those in need. So, maybe it’s the chance to serve humanity. They spend hours studying and meditating, so maybe they seek knowledge and connection to something deeper. Maybe, they just want a nicer room and the power associated with the title of head llama.
I don’t have an answer, I’m just exploring the idea of being void of desire. What’s left after you realize that the world has nothing left to offer you? Is there meaning to life without desire?
As I pointed to above, many fill that gap with a belief they can make a contribution to humanity. Some spend it pursuing an unquenchable hedonistic thirst. Others harvest the rewards of the seeds they sowed during their days of desire. What was the point of all that hard work, if you can’t enjoy filling that desire that drove you for so long?
Some never filled their desires or chose desires that were unachievable, and gave up. These people live in denial and ignorance, avoiding the pain of their failure. They will drown their minds until the impermanence of biology gets the better of them.
Now, let’s consider someone special. This person fundamentally despises other humans. Yes, I see the irony in they are human, yet can’t stand their own race. To negate the irony, let’s say that this person despises themselves. They were treated without compassion as a child and knew nothing of trust or love. They grew up experiencing only cold and loneliness. They are alienated, at least in their mind. I’ll bet their favorite season is winter. They were offered help and compassion from others in their life, but turned down their offerings in a shroud of pride or inability to trust. This person would rather take without being offered, often in a sneaky manner, like they were cheating in a game only they were playing. Their greatest desire in life is to build an empire and status for the sake of spite or power over others.
Let’s say that this person has an epiphany and realizes the error of their ways. They find out that all their desire was for naught; it was fundamentally unfulfillable. What does life have left for this person?
Society has a deep seated fear of death. It runs rampant. But, once you understand and accept death, you have to accept it as a possibility in any moment. Sometimes, death is right. It can’t always be wrong. It’s part of life.
Is there a right or wrong way to live your life? Are there good and bad pursuits in life? Is that what you truly believe, or just what you’ve been told? Think about it. Good and bad, right and wrong, don’t really exist. They are opinions; words used to express desires of another. You can’t say that your life is any more correct than any other life. There is no good way to start or finish. There’s nothing and nobody more important than anybody else. It’s all a device to advance humanity.
Advance humanity. Most people are just trying to survive! So, who is deciding how we should be advancing? I’ll bet it isn’t you! But, even if it was, would you be making better decisions than they are? Don’t forget, we just found out that there is no good or bad.
I’ll bet a sense of futility just captured you. If not, go back and read it again. Now, let me ask again. What does life have left for you?
